An old friend gave me a call a few days back, and the conversation we had led me to write this post for the benefit of all those who need to know. And I’ll bring in Trisha back for this post. Remember Trisha? Yes, my protagonist of “Trisha’s Anecdotes” :-)
Morning rain. Trisha sipped her tea and glanced at her computer screen. Need to work on the website, she murmured to herself. Ping. A whatsapp message entered. It was Samarth, a very old friend.
“Hey, was going through some of your videos. Just wanted to say a Hi. Will talk to you in the evening!”
Over the years, Trisha had transitioned from corporate world to being a Life, Holistic & Creative Wellness Coach and would occasionally share content on her different social media pages.
She typed back – “Hi Samarth!! How have you been? I have some work in the evening. Can I help you with something? You can tell me now.”
The phone rang. It was Samarth.
At first he congratulated Trisha on how well she was doing in her coaching journey, and that coaching / teaching / sharing life wisdom was a noble profession. Then at one point, he asked – “Ek baat bata, toone shaadi kyu nahi kee?” Translated, that would be – Tell me something, why didn’t you get married?
The Life Coach in Trisha instantly woke up.
Before I tell you what she said to him, let me tell you about her reaction. Had it been a few years ago and someone asked her this question, it would make her feel defensive, as if she was some outlaw who did something wrong by choosing to stay single. But on that day, she felt different. It felt expansive. She was so ready to face this in a new way.
So, at first, she asked him – “Why do you ask?” She sincerely wanted to learn about his need. He replied, just curious, and requested her not to take it otherwise.
Trisha then said – “No, I didn’t mind. But let me put this same question back to you, in a different way. Why did YOU get married?”
Samarth responded – “Because it’s a social obligation, and I didn’t think about it so much then.”
Trisha said – “Social obligation is ok. But like any other relationship, marriage is meant to help both people learn and grow as individuals. That is the intrinsic spirit of marriage. And then, there are your personal core values that are different from family values. If marriage aligns with your personal core values, you must marry. Also, it is good to marry only if the person you would marry is aligned with your higher purpose in life. That will help you both stay on course of an authentic, mutually expansive partnership. In any circumstance – being married or single entails responsible freedom and discipline. But one must never get married out of obligation or delusion, if that is done, then the moment problems surface, you may need support from outside, for instance, a relationship expert to intervene in a positive practical manner. Unless there’s something absolutely misaligned, that’s when it is ok for both people to part ways.”
The conversation went on to how relationships are meant for us to learn and grow and understand our own energy. Samarth shared how he and his wife were working on bringing up their son in a way that respects the child’s individuality and freedom.
A seemingly uncomfortable situation got transformed into a high-vibe value creating conversation.
Before ending the conversation, Trisha encouraged Samarth so that he too should keep exploring his innate potential of “giving back” to the world.
On disconnecting the phone, Trisha smiled in gratitude. “Time for breakfast”, she said to herself and walked off.
She later wrote a blog on this on her website. Here are some tips for those considering marriage or considering improving your relationship with your partner –
1) Find out your personal core values. Go on a journey of self-discovery and awareness, so that you know exactly what you are bringing to the table. Work with a life coach who can help you with identifying your personal set of attributes that make you who you are and guide you towards developing your unique potential.
2) Marriage is not the answer to your needs. It is an assignment to learn and grow yourself and also support your partner to grow. Practice self-awareness.
3) Remember you both are two different people. Just as you have your needs, your boundaries, your values, they have theirs too. It is normal to “grow differently” and in “different timelines”. Learn to give and take space.
4) Remember both of you are equals. There is no hierarchy or authority. As per situation, you may have to play the role of teacher/student/friend/guide/parent to each other. These are just roles that are switchable, not ego-based functions.
5) What if one of you becomes “conscious” or goes through a spiritual awakening over many years of marriage? Good. Just Be. Talk to your partner about your needs, thoughts and feelings. Do not in any way force them to “grow”. Respect their path. If you surrender and let go, and keep your own energy focused on your true self, their energy may catch up in time. But it is their choice, their journey as a free entity.
6) Work on communicating correctly and timely. Neither you nor your partner can read minds. Visit a relationship coach if effective communication could be an issue between both.
7) The most successful and happy couples are those that (guess what?) visit Life & Relationship coaches together at least once every year. Coaches are not the people you go to only when you “have problems”. Rather, they are those who can help you prevent or work through possible problems in the future. They are great support systems on your collective personal growth journey and happiness as a couple. They help you set new goals as a couple, and explore the different aspects of life that both of you are yet to explore together. They help you expand and manifest the potential of your relationship. Go to a Life Coach and you'll be like - Wow, there's so much to do! I am not saying this because I am a Coach myself, I know this from my personal experience working with coaches myself :-)
8) Like every relationship, marriage is about learning and growing as an individual. On a soul level, you had signed up to share a karmic bond with the person – which means marriage will bring you your karmic lessons. So, on a soul level, find what you really want and be ready for facing any challenges together. It is also ok to not feel pulled towards marriage, maybe on a soul level you have not signed up for such a soul contract!
9) How do you know if you have a soul contract that results in marriage? Just practice being happy by yourself – in a responsible manner. Know yourself, stay connected with your soul. Focus on practicing alignment with your true self – live a meaningful life, practice empathy, invest in your growth. Marriage doesn’t have anything to do with giving meaning to your life. It is You who consciously gives meaning to your marriage. Yes, the person you are with may feel like they complete your world because that’s the experience you wanted, and that’s ok. Marriage doesn’t "complete" the soul. It is rather an experience your soul may want to have, so when you have the experience that makes you feel complete. There’s a difference.
So here’s the thing. Marriage is not a necessity. Being single is not a rebellion. Both are a process of self-discovery and growth in their own unique way. And both hold value, when done consciously. Whatever your current situation, you can and you are going through your own learning and growth in the way you had signed up for on a soul level 😊 So chill, be happy, wherever you are. Practice self-awareness, be an observer of your emotions and thoughts. And yes, don’t focus on the grass that seems greener on the other side – just water your own!
I hope this helps. Feels nice to share. Let me know if you have any questions. Which points really resonate with you? Please share in comments. Would love to read. I'll pass them on to Trisha (LOL!!!)
To work with me as your Life, Holistic Wellness & Creativity Coach, write to me at lifecoachtiara@gmail.com :-)