An old friend gave me a call a few days back, and the conversation we had led me to write this post for the benefit of all those who need to know. And I’ll bring in Trisha back for this post. Remember Trisha? Yes, my protagonist of “Trisha’s Anecdotes” :-)
Morning rain. Trisha sipped her tea and glanced at her computer screen. Need to work on the website, she murmured to herself. Ping. A whatsapp message entered. It was Samarth, a very old friend.
“Hey, was going through some of your videos. Just wanted to say a Hi. Will talk to you in the evening!”
Over the years, Trisha had transitioned from corporate world to being a Life, Holistic & Creative Wellness Coach and would occasionally share content on her different social media pages.
She typed back – “Hi Samarth!! How have you been? I have some work in the evening. Can I help you with something? You can tell me now.”
The phone rang. It was Samarth.
At first he congratulated Trisha on how well she was doing in her coaching journey, and that coaching / teaching / sharing life wisdom was a noble profession. Then at one point, he asked – “Ek baat bata, toone shaadi kyu nahi kee?” Translated, that would be – Tell me something, why didn’t you get married?
The Life Coach in Trisha instantly woke up.
Before I tell you what she said to him, let me tell you about her reaction. Had it been a few years ago and someone asked her this question, it would make her feel defensive, as if she was some outlaw who did something wrong by choosing to stay single. But on that day, she felt different. It felt expansive. She was so ready to face this in a new way.
So, at first, she asked him – “Why do you ask?” She sincerely wanted to learn about his need. He replied, just curious, and requested her not to take it otherwise.
Trisha then said – “No, I didn’t mind. But let me put this same question back to you, in a different way. Why did YOU get married?”
Samarth responded – “Because it’s a social obligation, and I didn’t think about it so much then.”
Trisha said – “Social obligation is ok. But like any other relationship, marriage is meant to help both people learn and grow as individuals. That is the intrinsic spirit of marriage. And then, there are your personal core values that are different from family values. If marriage aligns with your personal core values, you must marry. Also, it is good to marry only if the person you would marry is aligned with your higher purpose in life. That will help you both stay on course of an authentic, mutually expansive partnership. In any circumstance – being married or single entails responsible freedom and discipline. But one must never get married out of obligation or delusion, if that is done, then the moment problems surface, you may need support from outside, for instance, a relationship expert to intervene in a positive practical manner. Unless there’s something absolutely misaligned, that’s when it is ok for both people to part ways.”
The conversation went on to how relationships are meant for us to learn and grow and understand our own energy. Samarth shared how he and his wife were working on bringing up their son in a way that respects the child’s individuality and freedom.
A seemingly uncomfortable situation got transformed into a high-vibe value creating conversation.
Before ending the conversation, Trisha encouraged Samarth so that he too should keep exploring his innate potential of “giving back” to the world.
On disconnecting the phone, Trisha smiled in gratitude. “Time for breakfast”, she said to herself and walked off.
She later wrote a blog on this on her website. Here are some tips for those considering marriage or considering improving your relationship with your partner –
1) Find out your personal core values. Go on a journey of self-discovery and awareness, so that you know exactly what you are bringing to the table. Work with a life coach who can help you with identifying your personal set of attributes that make you who you are and guide you towards developing your unique potential.
2) Marriage is not the answer to your needs. It is an assignment to learn and grow yourself and also support your partner to grow. Practice self-awareness.
3) Remember you both are two different people. Just as you have your needs, your boundaries, your values, they have theirs too. It is normal to “grow differently” and in “different timelines”. Learn to give and take space.
4) Remember both of you are equals. There is no hierarchy or authority. As per situation, you may have to play the role of teacher/student/friend/guide/parent to each other. These are just roles that are switchable, not ego-based functions.
5) What if one of you becomes “conscious” or goes through a spiritual awakening over many years of marriage? Good. Just Be. Talk to your partner about your needs, thoughts and feelings. Do not in any way force them to “grow”. Respect their path. If you surrender and let go, and keep your own energy focused on your true self, their energy may catch up in time. But it is their choice, their journey as a free entity.
6) Work on communicating correctly and timely. Neither you nor your partner can read minds. Visit a relationship coach if effective communication could be an issue between both.
7) The most successful and happy couples are those that (guess what?) visit Life & Relationship coaches together at least once every year. Coaches are not the people you go to only when you “have problems”. Rather, they are those who can help you prevent or work through possible problems in the future. They are great support systems on your collective personal growth journey and happiness as a couple. They help you set new goals as a couple, and explore the different aspects of life that both of you are yet to explore together. They help you expand and manifest the potential of your relationship. Go to a Life Coach and you'll be like - Wow, there's so much to do! I am not saying this because I am a Coach myself, I know this from my personal experience working with coaches myself :-)
8) Like every relationship, marriage is about learning and growing as an individual. On a soul level, you had signed up to share a karmic bond with the person – which means marriage will bring you your karmic lessons. So, on a soul level, find what you really want and be ready for facing any challenges together. It is also ok to not feel pulled towards marriage, maybe on a soul level you have not signed up for such a soul contract!
9) How do you know if you have a soul contract that results in marriage? Just practice being happy by yourself – in a responsible manner. Know yourself, stay connected with your soul. Focus on practicing alignment with your true self – live a meaningful life, practice empathy, invest in your growth. Marriage doesn’t have anything to do with giving meaning to your life. It is You who consciously gives meaning to your marriage. Yes, the person you are with may feel like they complete your world because that’s the experience you wanted, and that’s ok. Marriage doesn’t "complete" the soul. It is rather an experience your soul may want to have, so when you have the experience that makes you feel complete. There’s a difference.
So here’s the thing. Marriage is not a necessity. Being single is not a rebellion. Both are a process of self-discovery and growth in their own unique way. And both hold value, when done consciously. Whatever your current situation, you can and you are going through your own learning and growth in the way you had signed up for on a soul level 😊 So chill, be happy, wherever you are. Practice self-awareness, be an observer of your emotions and thoughts. And yes, don’t focus on the grass that seems greener on the other side – just water your own!
I hope this helps. Feels nice to share. Let me know if you have any questions. Which points really resonate with you? Please share in comments. Would love to read. I'll pass them on to Trisha (LOL!!!)
To work with me as your Life, Holistic Wellness & Creativity Coach, write to me at lifecoachtiara@gmail.com :-)
The café was bright and brimming with unseen energy. The tables were mostly full, except one or two. At one corner sat Trisha. She just finished her tea. She paid for it and then closing the book she was reading, she prepared to leave.
Someone yanked open the café door. A young man entered, must be in his twenties. He looked around, chose a table right beside Trishaâs, pulled the chair and sat. He looked distraught. Frantically, he punched at his mobile, put it at his ear and waited.
âHello? Pooja? Please donât disconnect. I still donât understand why you are breaking up with me! We can work things out. I swear I will never let you downâ¦..No, wait⦠listen to meâ¦.Pooja? Are you there? Pooja?....â
He sighed and disconnected the call. His face screamed the language of hopelessness. There was a story in him wanting to be told.
Trisha walked up to him.
"Hi, waiting for someone?"
âNo.â
âCan I join you, if you donât mind?â
âYeah, ok. Sorry, but I am not in a very good mood.â
âHi, I am Trisha. Sorry, but I overheard your conversation. Felt like asking.â Trisha sat down.
âI am Ronit. Thatâs fine. I was loud anyway. Thanks for asking though. I just broke up with my girlfriend.â
âYou or she?â
âWell, she broke up. And I am brokenâ⦠he shook his head, smiled wryly.
âWhat are her reasons?â
âShe is being pressurized for marriage by her family. She says she cannot marry me because I am yet not financially soundâ.
âIs she entirely wrong about the assessment of your financial situation?â
âNot really. But I am trying to get where I have to. All I wanted is time! It could have been worked out right?â
Trisha smiled. âLet me tell you a story. Care to listen?â
Ronit sighed. âYeah, sure. Go ahead.â
**********************************************************************
Four years ago. Bangalore.
âBhaiyya, that Ganpati idol on the dashboard looks so beautiful!â
The driver grinned, without turning though, his eyes fixed on the road. I was on my way to the Airport in a cab, I was flying back home from Bangalore.
âMadam, were you here for work?â
I thought for a moment.
I said. âWell, no. I was here to meet someone. Actually⦠my fiancé. He lives here.â
This time, the driver turned around for a second â âOh, Congratulations Madam! Whenâs the wedding?â
âThank You, Bhaiyya. Three months away!!!â
âOk Madam. All the bestâ.
âThanks again.â
The driver reached for the glove compartment and brought out a small golden idol of Ganesha.
âHere Madam. Take this. Gift from me.â
I was amazed at the thoughtful gesture. âOh thank you so much Bhaiyya!!! Itâs beautiful!!!â
It shone in the afternoon sun and was so tiny it could be held in the palm. I put the idol carefully inside my sling bag.
The phone rang.
I smiled. It was him. I answered.
âHello?â
âHi, did you reach the airport?â the voice came floating by.
âNot yet.â
âTrisha, I need to tell you something.â
The voice sounded grim.
âYes, tell me?â
âTrisha, I wanted to tell you this earlier, but somehow couldnât bring it up.â
There was a pause.
âI canât marry you, Trisha.â
For a moment, my heart stopped. âSorry?â
âNo, I am sorry. Youâre too good for me Trisha. I guess I donât deserve you.â
âWhat are you saying⦠I donâtâ¦.â
âTrisha, I am just building up my career. I donât even know where Iâll be landing a few years from now. What if youâre not happy with me? You are such an amazing girl, independent and free. I donât even have a great place to stay. I know our parents have decided our match, but I just feel I am yet not ready.â
Tears filled my eyes. The coolness of the AC inside the car didnât seem to work anymore.
Finally I spoke. âWe can make efforts to make situations good for each other, right? I mean thatâs what life partners are all about? I know we havenât interacted a lot. But we can! Thatâs why I came down here to meet you, right? Letâs keep ourselves a priority for each other, then everything else should work out I am sure!â
âNo Trisha, I have to be honest with you. I donât think I am ready for marriage. I donât want to take the plunge just because my parents want me to. I hope you will understand.â
âEveryone in my family and your family is aware that weâre getting married. Can we just make this work?â
âI donât want to make you wait for me, Trisha.â
There was silence.
âI am sorry, Trisha.â
âYou should have thought about all this before. You didnât. Donât say sorry to me. Say sorry to yourself. Youâve not let me down. Youâve let yourself down.â
I disconnected the phone.
Suddenly the world came crashing down on me. I looked at the window pane on my left in a bid to hide my tears from the driver. My dreams were shattered. What was I going to tell my parents? Relatives? Friends? People wonât stop talking, right? How could he do this?
I reached out for my bag for a tissue to wipe my tears. I felt the Ganesha idol I had just kept inside. I fished it out and held it in my hand. A drop of tear fell on it.
âMadam,â I was startled when the driver spoke. âThe airport has arrived.â He stopped the car. âCan I say something Madam?â
Did he realise I was crying? I wondered.
âYes?â I sniffed.
âMadam, that Ganesha idol I just gave you, that will take you to your destination, no matter whatever obstacles you face on the way. See, like, I am a car driver, I know my destination, I know my way, so Iâll follow that. On the way, I might face traffic, blockages, bumps!!! But Iâll cross them anyway. Our life is like that. Sometimes, I might also have to take a different route, might take longer, but destination will stay constant and I will reach it anyway. You are starting a new life. That Ganesha idol I just gave you, will protect you and show you what you have to do in life, Madam. Best of Luck. Shall I stop the meter?â
âHuh??!!!â I stared at him. Collecting myself and my thoughts, I said - âYesâ¦. And Thank You so much for your wishes.â
********************************************************************
âYou must have been devastated.â Ronit said.
Trisha shrugged. âHappens. Yeah it was tough initially, but I bounced back. The driverâs words were the real savior. The incident changed my life for the better.â
âTime heals everything, right?â
Trisha raised a brow.
âTime? Are you kidding? In that case, every broken heart and every misled mind would have got mended and bounced back within the same time frame, right? Like, how the doctor prescribes antibiotics? Give yourself a week, and youâll be cured? No way!!! Time is never a factor at all. You are. I was. I had to decide whether I wanted to hold on to it, or let it go.â
Ronit looked on at her. âBut it hurts.â
âWhy should it? When I think about the incident now, I only have a lot of gratitude for him! When someone says he doesnât deserve me, and that I deserve more, I think he has done the right thing to let me go! Your girlfriend, sorry ex-girlfriend, you should be thankful to her. She has chosen to set you free to focus on your career.â
âBut she could have stayed with me. Why did she have to leave?â
âBecause she wanted to. Simple. I think you should wish her well in her life, if you really love her.â
âI still donât understand.â
âBecause you are choosing not to see, Ronit. This is your chance, I suggest you trust yourself.â
The café suddenly broke out in a loud cheer. Trisha and Ronit turned towards the door. A huge crowd had gathered around an idol of Ganesha that was being taken to a neighbouring pandal.
âItâs Ganesh Chaturthi tomorrow,â said Trisha. âGanesha, the one who diminishes all obstacles.â
Ronit smiled.
Trisha turned to him and continued.
âRonit, sometimes the hurdles are within us, but we tend to look outside most of the time. The obstacles may seem on the outside, but to win, it is you who must be willing to take the leap. Where thereâs a will, the ways do open up. We have to find the Ganesha within.â
Ronit nodded.
Trisha looked at her watch.
âIâll have to leave.â
âBut you didnât have anything.â
âOh I did have some tea, I was here a good half hour before you came in. I was moving out anyway, but stopped to talk to you.â
Ronit smiled. âThanks for your time.â
âNo problemâ, Trisha said, as she rose.
She walked a step and turned back.
âGanesha is also about fresh new beginnings. The Universe constantly sends us signals about things we need to know at any given point of time. You just have to learn the language. I hope youâll remember this. All the best.â
Ronit rose from his chair. âSure. I will. Thank You for sharing your story, Trisha. Pleasure meeting you.â
âSame here, and stories are meant to be created to be sharedâ. Trisha winked and smiled, turned and walked out of the café.
Someone on the street called outâ¦âGanapati Bappa!!!â
The entire café broke out in a loud cheerâ¦âMoriya!!!!â
(All stories and pictures of Trisha's Anecdotes are the author's copyright.)