Several years ago, I had a startling realization. I wasn’t living true to myself. From the outside, it looked all rosy and nice, but from inside, I was empty. I was just pulling on with life. Putting up a mask of a smile didn’t help. Slowly the façade gave way. I experienced a deep shapeshift in life.
A job of 13 years, amazing hobbies and a few great friends didn’t make up for a happy life. Grateful for all of them, these are important, no doubt. But how long can you escape yourself? I couldn’t. I consider myself lucky that I found comfort in choosing the discomfort of letting go of what felt “safe” to begin treading the unknown. Sounds contradictory? But true, nonetheless. That’s how self-discovery journeys begin and that’s how mine had begun some years back.
Self Discovery? Why though? Aren’t we already self-aware? Sadly, most of us are not. We don’t accept that at first though. Come on, of course I know myself!! Says the voice of the Ego. For me this voice sounded like – “It’s a shame to even admit that I do not know my own self!” For most of us, the voice is that of shame. That’s what I had felt too. I had this constant nagging voice in my head – “Shame on you. You have no clue about what you want in life? Look at your friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues, etc. etc. etc. They’re so happy, learn from them!” Until I started coming across some friends who I thought “had it all” used to come up to tell me – “Tee, you have no idea how lucky you are. Living life on your own terms.” What they thought about me wasn’t true either! I realized no one was really truly happy in their lives.
What were we missing? I was grateful for the good things in life no doubt, but is that enough? A few months after quitting my job I started training to become a Life Coach and my first Aha moment came from there. It was Authentic living that my soul was yearning for. Here are the parameters that I have realized in my journey, are what makes life truly authentic and worth the while.
Core values. Your personal parameters of a fulfilling life. This was a revelation. Till then, I had known only about moral values – things that are important for the sake of maintaining our human-ness. But personal core values? Wow. I soon realized why siblings of the same parents could have entirely different approaches to designing their life. And why your colleague entirely misses your point when you tell them about you wanting to shift departments.
Dreams. I realized it was okay to have dreams, plus there was nothing wrong in having dreams that were different than others surrounding you. I recall someone sharing her breakthrough story during my Life Coaching Training, about how she wanted a Lamborghini and it was a breakthrough for her to even accept that. I won’t lie, for a moment I was disappointed with myself because I did not want a Lamborghini and that made me feel less courageous! I had even started practicing dreaming of what owning and driving a Lamborghini felt like! Thankfully good sense prevailed soon, and I realized Lamborghini could be her dream, but it wasn’t mine! Just like I had dreams for myself that required courage but they were not her dreams! That was my breakthrough moment of realization – Authentic dreams always lead to authentic goals, which in turn lead to authentic personal growth. The kind of growth that you as an individual want to experience. The kind of growth that is not externally influenced upon you. These goals are entirely soul led, not society led. Becoming a Healing Arts practitioner who combines Art and Life Coaching to guide others for their Self Awareness, Healing, Wellbeing and Personal Growth, was one such dream that I could discover within myself and work towards it no matter what. That's what authentic dreams do to you, you will not want to give up on them, no matter how challenging the path gets.
Belief system. This forms the basis of how we unconsciously or consciously create our life. When I did an audit of my personal belief system, I got to be aware as to how they had led to several manifestations in my personal and professional life. Our choices are mostly influenced by our internal belief systems. This is how I became aware of my inner critic, which led me to people pleasing, fitting-in, and ultra-agreeable nature and inability to assess, acknowledge or speak up for my own needs, desires and well-being. Now most of us have this voice of the inner critic, but how we manage this voice and not allow it to play a role in how we create our life, is something that we have to uniquely learn in our self-awareness and authentic healing & personal growth journey.
Working with fears. My self-awareness journey also got me face to face with my inner demons – my fears. Although these are derivatives of your belief systems, however fears are something that need to be separately addressed. I remember I had listed out my dream fears and till today, the list helps me stay on track of what I need to do every time the fear springs up. Because ideally, fears are part of the Ego and Ego doesn’t really leave us, it wants us to acknowledge it and work with it. That’s the function of the Ego. It actually helps you in your quest for authenticity. It makes you break out of your comfort zone, and do what is needed to align yourself with your True Authentic Self.
Authenticity takes work. All the more reason why most of us don’t feel ready as we are already so pressed for time meeting deadlines and trying hard to keep balance. But here’s the truth you need to know, the more you avoid the voice of your Soul, the stronger it gets, and one day, it could manifest in ways that may not be the best experiences for you. Did you know lack of authentic living gets you physically ill? Not to mention mentally fatigued and burnt out, and friction in your relationships? So prioritize yourself. Practice self-care, the right way. Go within. Get up close personal with yourself. Who are you really? Why are you here for? What really matters to you? How would you, the individual, like to grow? To serve? To Be? How are your experiences shaping you? Where are they leading you to? Do you at all want to continue going there, or do you want to change direction? Remember, when you embrace authenticity, you are being your True Self, which is by the way, your best self even when you're trying. By being your True Self, you also inspire others to do the same, and by doing the work with yourself, you maintain balance, harmony, peace, fulfilment and wellbeing not only within yourself but you also ripple that out into your environment too. Make a pledge to yourself today - that you will give yourself the chance to discover yourself, because you were always meant to make that journey into yourself from the very moment you were born. The purpose - To be Yourself, exactly how you as an individual were always meant to be.
(Tiara Dhar is a Therapeutic Art Life Coach who specializes in helping individuals in their Self Awareness, Holistic Healing, Happiness, Wellbeing and Personal Growth journey with the help of Art Therapies. She serves by offering 1:1 Holistic Self Care Coaching & Group Healing Art workshops. To work with her, please write to lifecoachtiara@gmail.com.)